A Message to My Children

A Dad’s advice to his children.

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If you were to give your children advice, what would it be? In my last post (Artists May Have the Answer) I mentioned that my wife and I attended a Chris de Burgh concert. At that concert, Chris de Burgh sang one of his newer songs called ‘Go Where Your Heart Believes’, a song I had never heard before; a song from his album “Moonfleet and Other Stories” released in January of 2011. If you’ve never heard the song, here it is.

This song helped me answer that question. In September, I wrote a post (When the Nest Empties) about Empty Nest Syndrome where I admitted that I was afflicted with this syndrome when my middle daughter moved to Dublin, Ireland to attend Trinity College. This song helped me understand why our daughter needed to do what  she was doing.

Chris de Burgh’s song, ‘Go Where Your Heart Believes’ has put Empty Nest Syndrome–those feelings of loneliness or sadness after children grow up and leave home—into perspective for me. Henry Ward Beecher, a clergyman, once said, “We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.” This is so true! Sometimes as parents, we love our children so much we don’t want to let them go. That seemed to hold true for me.

Actor and producer, Peter Krause, says, “Parenthood…It’s about guiding the next generation, and forgiving the last”.  My wife and I have guided our children as best we knew how, just as our parents did. Yes, we’ve made mistakes as our parents did, but we have to trust that our guidance has enabled our children to be independent, strong, brave, and productive citizens. Chris de Burgh’s song ‘Go Where Your Heart Believes’ expressed for me the message I want to deliver to my children.

The lyrics say, “I am old but there’s a wisdom that comes with years. You are young and it’s so easy when you have no fears.”  I learned much wisdom throughout my years and I continue to do so, but I’ve also learned that I am hanging onto many fears which I acquired from my life experiences. I am now working to release those fears as they no longer serve me. You, my children, are just beginning your life journey, so live it without fear. What is fear anyway? It is False Emotion Appearing (as) Real.

Now don’t get me wrong. Fear serves a purpose. Psychology Today says,

“Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them”.

As it says in Psychology Today, fear protects us from legitimate threats. These are healthy fears. These fears protect us from life and death situations. The fears that I am referring to are “false emotion appearing as real.” As it says in Psychology Today, we “fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell.”  Those are the ones we need to dispose of. It is these fears that I am working on releasing now that I have the time to do so. These are fears like the fear of darkness, spiders, dogs, flying in an airplane, and such things as these; irrational fears.

Frank Sant’Agata says, “Love and fear are the only emotions we as human entities are able to express. All the others are just sub-categorical emotions. For example, on love’s side there is joy, peacefulness, happiness, forgiveness, and a host of others. On the other hand, fear reflects: hate, depression, guilt, inadequacy, discontentment, prejudice, anger, attack, and so on”.  Even the Christian Scriptures it is written, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18). So, my advice to you, express love and not fear. Avoid those irrational fears.

The lyrics say, “Go, go where your heart believes, your memories are waiting, It’s the only way to find out who you are.”  So my advice to you is follow your dreams, your passions, your desires without fear! I truly wish I had done this more in my youth, but I held back because of irrational fears. I know many people who are afraid to travel to another country because of what they hear from the news media, mainly terrorism. Then there are those who fear flying likely because a bad experience or what they’ve heard on the news or tell themselves. These fears are “false emotion appearing as real.”  In an article called, Heart is more than a pump, it talks about a new branch of science called, Neurocardiology and studies in this field indicate there is constant communication between the heart and the brain. These scientific studies are showing that the heart may play a significant role in the way we experience emotions and make decisions. Maybe love is literally connected to the heart. Perhaps this is why the heart is a symbol of romantic love and a “wounded heart” means love sickness. It may also be why we have expressions like, “break my heart” (sadness due to breakup) or “have a heart” (show compassion) or “with all one’s heart” (deepest feeling). So, my advice to you is follow your heart. It is where your passions and desires are.

The lyrics say, “In this life, there is a road that you must follow, to the left or the right. One is wide but the other is hard and narrow. Take this one, and you can call it your own”. We can take the easy, safe road or we can take the tough road. I know I often took the safe road because of irrational fears. Looking back, I wish now I took the “harder” roads. Perhaps I would have taken that trip to Europe sooner. Perhaps I would have seriously considered teaching a year or two in another country, but I didn’t because I feared the amount of work involved and being far from home. So, my advice is to don’t always take the easy route!

The lyrics say, “There will be so many voices trying to turn you round, take a moment just to listen, then carry on”. Here is the most important message in the song. Stop believing what others say. It is fine to listen and consider what they are saying, but when deciding, follow your heart! I wish I had. I made the mistake of believing what others told me. My dad used to say, “If you have a job, hang on to it.” For him, a job pays the bills and to be fair, he lived through the Great Depression as a child and saw his dad–your great grandfather–struggle to feed the family. I listened to him and consequently, I went through periods of being discontented in my career.  In hindsight, I should have followed my heart.

The lyrics say, “There will be times when you’re lost and lonely, and you will have no-one beside you. And that is when you’ll find the hidden one inside, who will help you through.” There certainly will be times when you feel all alone and unsupported. These are the times when you need to trust your intuition; that knowing or understanding something without reasoning or proof. Trust that that is when the Universe, God, your angels, your guides are directing you. They are always with you. Most of the time we discredit our intuition with reasoning; telling ourselves it was our imagination. Trust it!

So, that is my message to you my three perfect children. It is a message not only for my children, but for all young people who are open to the message. Follow your heart without fear! Listen to others and decide with discernment what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you. Discover who you are. Better yet, decide who you are and be that person. And whatever you do, don’t fall victim to your fears!

Author: Sommer season all year

I am a retired school teacher. I taught high school for 35 years.

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